My mind.... what mind? It is gone. It has left. No good-bye. No adios. Nothing... nada. Yeah.
I have apparently lost all capability to reason, to think, to use my brain. I have done so many stupid-air headed things this past week.
So let us recap:
(a) I almost left my geta's keys in the room
(b) ... shortly after, almost forgot to lock the door with those same keys
(c) contoured a couple of things completely wrong on my maps
(d) have slurred words, combined words, basically cannot speak
(e) left keys in the laundry room (along with driver's license, cash, etc.)
(f) left the same keys/wallet in Fred's car and didn't realize it until it was time to pay for groceries
(g) tripped over my feet
(h) struggled like a 6-year old (this morning) to put a series of negative and positive numbers in increasing order
(i) ETC......
"Stupid Mode" has returned in full force. It is crazy. The more I realize just how stupid I have been acting, the more it aggravates me. And the more the cycle continues. The reason? I really do not know. I believe it is because my mind is trying to sprint off in 10 different directions, so I cannot focus on one thing. Once I figure out what I need to think about, my mind if already shooting off to the next topic.
Please pray that my mind returns.... especially before finals.
Thank you.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
"It Is Finished"
Yesterday marked the end of an era... the Synoptic briefing era. What a relief!
Dodge City, Kansas is the forecast city this week. Why? The chance of severe weather...
As usual, I prepped the entire morning for the briefing... grabbing charts and pasting them into a powerpoint presentation, analyzing charts, trying to figure out what is going on and why.
The presentation went ok, as I lacked words to describe a few charts. The questions were not quite bad as they have been in the past. But alas, I was within the time limit (19+ minutes), executed accordingly, and was debriefed by Dr. Blackwell... for the last time. And I steadily improved my grades from one briefing to the next! (Praise the Lord!) Now all I lack is one last verification briefing which will be tomorrow.
But it is over. No more stressing out over a Synoptic weather briefing. What a burden taken off of my back!
I realize that there will be A LOT more "synoptic briefings" to come my way, but what a relief and joy to know that God got me through 8 of them over the past year. And He will be right there with me for every other stressful (and non-stressful) moment in my life.
So in conclusion: ALL praise to Him to getting me through allll of it! It was not my strength or courage or knowledge. Uh uh and no ma'am. It was by and through Him was I able to get the job done!
Dodge City, Kansas is the forecast city this week. Why? The chance of severe weather...
As usual, I prepped the entire morning for the briefing... grabbing charts and pasting them into a powerpoint presentation, analyzing charts, trying to figure out what is going on and why.
The presentation went ok, as I lacked words to describe a few charts. The questions were not quite bad as they have been in the past. But alas, I was within the time limit (19+ minutes), executed accordingly, and was debriefed by Dr. Blackwell... for the last time. And I steadily improved my grades from one briefing to the next! (Praise the Lord!) Now all I lack is one last verification briefing which will be tomorrow.
But it is over. No more stressing out over a Synoptic weather briefing. What a burden taken off of my back!
I realize that there will be A LOT more "synoptic briefings" to come my way, but what a relief and joy to know that God got me through 8 of them over the past year. And He will be right there with me for every other stressful (and non-stressful) moment in my life.
So in conclusion: ALL praise to Him to getting me through allll of it! It was not my strength or courage or knowledge. Uh uh and no ma'am. It was by and through Him was I able to get the job done!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Learning to Wait...
Patience is a virtue.
Ever heard of that phrase? Waiting and patience go hand in hand. And quite frankly, sometimes waiting sucks.
I have never been much a long-term planner. But if I have a time limit and tasks ahead of me, I can schedule and work and get things done on time... that's short-term planning though. My mind is slowly shifting to the other side recently, maybe because I am being forced to think about such things. This urge to jump on top of things, sort things out, map, plan, talk, discuss, lay everything out on the table has been immanent for some time now. But yet every time I get worked up on the issue, I hear this voice saying, "Not now. Just wait. It will all work out." Besides, it is honestly not in my hands anyway. I gave it away to two people to take care of.
So here I sit, twiddling my thumbs, focusing on what lies directly in front of me, trusting that things will happen accordingly to His plan and timing, and trying to keep my tongue motionless in my mouth.
If patience is a virtue, God is grooming me into a virtuous woman. .... and I am completely okay with that!
Dirty Dishes
Have you ever wondered how dishes can multiply in the sink before your eyes in the matter of minutes, hours, a day?
I have been trying my best to keep up with the room this semester. Since Monday nights are my "free" nights, I try to cook, clean, and straighten up. I followed suit a week ago, and washed a sink full of dishes. It was not two days later that the sink was just as full again! And I thought to myself, "Someone else can wash these. I am not going to do it again."
Thursday: Oh, more dishes are in the sink.
Friday: There's a hint of funk coming from the door, as I pull out my key to unlock it. I walk in and tell Ashley that there's this smell... "Haha. I bet it's the dishes." All the more do I think to myself, "Nope. I am not cleaning those."
Saturday: Come in from work.... dishes still there.
Saturday night: Still there.
Sunday: No change.
This morning: It's like a porcelain/plastic explosive went was planted and detonated in the sink.
Oh, how my blood is beginning to boil. "No, I said I wasn't washing them. The majority of them are not mine. I'm sorry no one else has done it."
So I am in my bed this morning, just lying there. Instead of rushing out of bed, I decide to take a few minutes and talk to God. After praying, I continue with my usual morning routine and eat a bowl of cereal. When grabbing a bowl from the cabinet, I see those blasted dishes STILL there!
But my heart softens, and I realize my jerkish stance on the issue is NOT the way I should be.
"If I was those dishes," I thought, "It will be for God and God alone. Not for the fact of getting them done, not for anyone else, not for redemption for my jerkish way... but those stinken dishes will be washed for His glory."
His glory? Nasty dishes for His glory? A remedial task done in God's name? .....yeah. If He blessed with me dishes to eat off of, utensils to clean them with, muscles/coordination to wash them, and a conscience to be a good steward of what He has provided me with, YES. It will be for His glory.
So, I swallow my pride, pick up the Joy and a sponge, and begin to rub-a-dub-dub-scrub (while cooking dinner tonight, of course).
I have been trying my best to keep up with the room this semester. Since Monday nights are my "free" nights, I try to cook, clean, and straighten up. I followed suit a week ago, and washed a sink full of dishes. It was not two days later that the sink was just as full again! And I thought to myself, "Someone else can wash these. I am not going to do it again."
Thursday: Oh, more dishes are in the sink.
Friday: There's a hint of funk coming from the door, as I pull out my key to unlock it. I walk in and tell Ashley that there's this smell... "Haha. I bet it's the dishes." All the more do I think to myself, "Nope. I am not cleaning those."
Saturday: Come in from work.... dishes still there.
Saturday night: Still there.
Sunday: No change.
This morning: It's like a porcelain/plastic explosive went was planted and detonated in the sink.
Oh, how my blood is beginning to boil. "No, I said I wasn't washing them. The majority of them are not mine. I'm sorry no one else has done it."
So I am in my bed this morning, just lying there. Instead of rushing out of bed, I decide to take a few minutes and talk to God. After praying, I continue with my usual morning routine and eat a bowl of cereal. When grabbing a bowl from the cabinet, I see those blasted dishes STILL there!
But my heart softens, and I realize my jerkish stance on the issue is NOT the way I should be.
"If I was those dishes," I thought, "It will be for God and God alone. Not for the fact of getting them done, not for anyone else, not for redemption for my jerkish way... but those stinken dishes will be washed for His glory."
His glory? Nasty dishes for His glory? A remedial task done in God's name? .....yeah. If He blessed with me dishes to eat off of, utensils to clean them with, muscles/coordination to wash them, and a conscience to be a good steward of what He has provided me with, YES. It will be for His glory.
So, I swallow my pride, pick up the Joy and a sponge, and begin to rub-a-dub-dub-scrub (while cooking dinner tonight, of course).
Sunday, April 11, 2010
"You Whore!"
What would you do/think if someone called you a whore? A slut? An adulterer / adulteress? Would you deny it? Would you hurl spiteful comebacks at them? Would you give them an evil look? Or would you just stand there in silence, still in shock at what you were just called.
Well... you are a whore in a sense.
"Where is this coming from??" The book of Hosea.
God used Hosea's life to paint the perfect illustration of how the Israelites (and present day people) treat God. It's painful. It's shameful. It makes me want to cringe, but it makes me realize just how unconditional God's love is for His children.
God told Hosea to "Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry." (Hosea 1:2) So Hosea marries a woman named Gomer, a very promiscuous and slutty lady. But a little while after their marriage, Gomer goes back to her former ways, sleeping around with the local men. She gets pregnant, and God tells Hosea to name the child "Jezreel"... named after a place of battle and bloodshed. She becomes pregnant again with a girl, and her name was to be "Lo-Ruhamah" ... which means no mercy. She becomes pregnant again with another boy, and his name was "Lo-Ammi"... meaning 'you are not My people." Hosea does not even know if these children were his or someone else's.
Hosea's story becomes even more heart-breaking. Gomer is not only sleeping around with other men, but she's living with them! I just cannot imagine how I would feel. If my husband was doing this, extreme hurt and anger would boil through my blood. I honestly do not know if I could bring myself to say that I still loved this person.
But God... God told Hosea in chapter 3 and verse 1:
"Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love the raisin cakes of the pagans."
Go bring her back into Hosea's house? Love this woman who is supposed to be your wife but is living with some guy that she's sleeping with? That... that sounds impossible! Implausible! Ridiculous! Absurd to say the least! Hosea goes out to find Gomer and ends up having to buy her back. He takes her back (at the command of the Lord)! But rules are set for her upon her return (Hosea 3: 3).
I have heard a sermon on Hosea before, but Lee Harper preached on it tonight at Airport Blvd. Baptist Church. And... I have to force my jaw muscles to keep my mouth closed. How can God ask Hosea to marry a whore that will run away from him and then go bring her back? Why?
And then it clicks. This is same way that we act towards God. We receive salvation (marry Him). Our lives instantly change, but then we slip back into our old habits (sleeping around... aka struggling with those sins that we were slaves to before salvation). But God, still amazingly in love with us, goes and finds us in another man's home and brings us back to Him.... pays a hefty price (His Son) for us. What pain and agony and broken-heartedness God goes through every time we turn our backs on Him to do what we want! How unconditional His love is for us!
So... to sum things up. I am a recovering whore. And what a mighty, merciful God I serve!
Well... you are a whore in a sense.
"Where is this coming from??" The book of Hosea.
God used Hosea's life to paint the perfect illustration of how the Israelites (and present day people) treat God. It's painful. It's shameful. It makes me want to cringe, but it makes me realize just how unconditional God's love is for His children.
God told Hosea to "Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry." (Hosea 1:2) So Hosea marries a woman named Gomer, a very promiscuous and slutty lady. But a little while after their marriage, Gomer goes back to her former ways, sleeping around with the local men. She gets pregnant, and God tells Hosea to name the child "Jezreel"... named after a place of battle and bloodshed. She becomes pregnant again with a girl, and her name was to be "Lo-Ruhamah" ... which means no mercy. She becomes pregnant again with another boy, and his name was "Lo-Ammi"... meaning 'you are not My people." Hosea does not even know if these children were his or someone else's.
Hosea's story becomes even more heart-breaking. Gomer is not only sleeping around with other men, but she's living with them! I just cannot imagine how I would feel. If my husband was doing this, extreme hurt and anger would boil through my blood. I honestly do not know if I could bring myself to say that I still loved this person.
But God... God told Hosea in chapter 3 and verse 1:
"Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love the raisin cakes of the pagans."
Go bring her back into Hosea's house? Love this woman who is supposed to be your wife but is living with some guy that she's sleeping with? That... that sounds impossible! Implausible! Ridiculous! Absurd to say the least! Hosea goes out to find Gomer and ends up having to buy her back. He takes her back (at the command of the Lord)! But rules are set for her upon her return (Hosea 3: 3).
I have heard a sermon on Hosea before, but Lee Harper preached on it tonight at Airport Blvd. Baptist Church. And... I have to force my jaw muscles to keep my mouth closed. How can God ask Hosea to marry a whore that will run away from him and then go bring her back? Why?
And then it clicks. This is same way that we act towards God. We receive salvation (marry Him). Our lives instantly change, but then we slip back into our old habits (sleeping around... aka struggling with those sins that we were slaves to before salvation). But God, still amazingly in love with us, goes and finds us in another man's home and brings us back to Him.... pays a hefty price (His Son) for us. What pain and agony and broken-heartedness God goes through every time we turn our backs on Him to do what we want! How unconditional His love is for us!
So... to sum things up. I am a recovering whore. And what a mighty, merciful God I serve!
Bittersweet Emotions
Emotions are a great and horrible thing, in my opinion. I love to see them on the big screen, on loved ones' and friends' faces, and randomly in every day life. But when it comes to me, I do not like them... except the good/happy ones. It bugs me how fast quickly emotions can shift.
I have a feeling that these next few weeks are going to be emotional... up one moment and down the next. Mixed feelings from every direction: so glad to be done with school for the semester, upset that this is my last one at South Alabama, ecstatic about receiving a Bachelors in meteorology, scared to death about how and where to use it, wildly excited about what God and the future holds for my life, upset about leaving beloved friends behind, terrified about certain things drastically changing or coming to an end, and helpless not knowing where God wants me to do with my life. There's just sooo many changes that accompany a degree.
God is in complete control of the whole situation... I know this whole-heartedly. It just sucks when my emotions over power that peaceful fact and reek havoc on my mind. Worrying about worst-case scenarios, over thinking things, and attempts to ignore what is coming... yeah, these little guys like to hang out in my brain without a personal invitation to do so.
Just pray over these next few weeks that I can let God take these concerns of mine, that I can completely let go of them. And that He will show me what He wants me to do and that I will have my eyes, my ears, and my heart focused on Him to know what direction He wants me to go in... regardless of my emotions.
I have a feeling that these next few weeks are going to be emotional... up one moment and down the next. Mixed feelings from every direction: so glad to be done with school for the semester, upset that this is my last one at South Alabama, ecstatic about receiving a Bachelors in meteorology, scared to death about how and where to use it, wildly excited about what God and the future holds for my life, upset about leaving beloved friends behind, terrified about certain things drastically changing or coming to an end, and helpless not knowing where God wants me to do with my life. There's just sooo many changes that accompany a degree.
God is in complete control of the whole situation... I know this whole-heartedly. It just sucks when my emotions over power that peaceful fact and reek havoc on my mind. Worrying about worst-case scenarios, over thinking things, and attempts to ignore what is coming... yeah, these little guys like to hang out in my brain without a personal invitation to do so.
Just pray over these next few weeks that I can let God take these concerns of mine, that I can completely let go of them. And that He will show me what He wants me to do and that I will have my eyes, my ears, and my heart focused on Him to know what direction He wants me to go in... regardless of my emotions.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Indulgence
I left straight from work Saturday (April 2nd) to be home for Easter. And the ENTIRE time I was honestly blown away by just how beautiful it was outside! All of these descriptive words kept soaring through my mind, as I attempted to capture the nature's beauty by using the English language. Needless to say, I was unsuccessful. The best I could come up with:
"Hundreds of variations and hues of luscious greens, brilliant purples, smooth creams, striking yellows, and passionate pinks emerging from under the beaming, spring sunlight... hundreds of reasons to look outside and praise God for new life!"
How appropriate is it that spring is always around Easter? How amazing is it that the cold winter months of death and dormancy are erased by this explosion of life and color... just in time for Easter?
You know, I know that God is brilliant and just mind-blowingly amazing when it comes to creating things. Just remember back to biology days (... or google...) and the human cell. The detail! All of the processes going on at once! How they are all intertwined, and if one thing does not work, it affects everything! Then take a step up to organs... and follow the same thought process. Then the human body as a whole... and the same process. Then ecosystems, then continents, climates, the water cycle, weather patterns, sun interactions with the earth... and the same though processes! Can you feel your mind wanting to break down at this point?
God thought it all...and I mean IT ALL... through. Every... little... intricate.... minute.... detail. And if that does not make you stand back in awe, think about this. Genesis 1:1. From the beginning, before He created anything, He already knew the reason for it all. And my, how it all revolves around that reason, His Son.
Even nature proclaims His resurrection and the new life that He has given us! Who else can turn death into life? I am blown away... simply blown away by the God the Creator, by God the Giver of Life, by Jesus and His faithfulness to the plan, and by God letting me indulge in His glorious proclaimation of a new life, a new start, and life in Him.
"Hundreds of variations and hues of luscious greens, brilliant purples, smooth creams, striking yellows, and passionate pinks emerging from under the beaming, spring sunlight... hundreds of reasons to look outside and praise God for new life!"
How appropriate is it that spring is always around Easter? How amazing is it that the cold winter months of death and dormancy are erased by this explosion of life and color... just in time for Easter?
You know, I know that God is brilliant and just mind-blowingly amazing when it comes to creating things. Just remember back to biology days (... or google...) and the human cell. The detail! All of the processes going on at once! How they are all intertwined, and if one thing does not work, it affects everything! Then take a step up to organs... and follow the same thought process. Then the human body as a whole... and the same process. Then ecosystems, then continents, climates, the water cycle, weather patterns, sun interactions with the earth... and the same though processes! Can you feel your mind wanting to break down at this point?
God thought it all...and I mean IT ALL... through. Every... little... intricate.... minute.... detail. And if that does not make you stand back in awe, think about this. Genesis 1:1. From the beginning, before He created anything, He already knew the reason for it all. And my, how it all revolves around that reason, His Son.
Even nature proclaims His resurrection and the new life that He has given us! Who else can turn death into life? I am blown away... simply blown away by the God the Creator, by God the Giver of Life, by Jesus and His faithfulness to the plan, and by God letting me indulge in His glorious proclaimation of a new life, a new start, and life in Him.
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