Well you thought you let go
But you're still hangin' on
Mother Earth's slowing down
She's still spinning around
And we... are gettin' dizzy
I'll drop out of the race
For more personal space
'Cause the rocket we're in
Get so cold and I miss your skin...
It's just how I'm feelin'...
If you need more love
Well, you've got to get close to me
If you want my love
Well, you've got to get closer to me
No unreachable itch
If you hemmorage, I'll stitch
You are tears, I'm a cheek
I'm a pail on your boat with slow leaks
Out to sea for weeks...
If you want my love
Well, you've got to get close to me
If you need my love
Well, you've got to get closer to me
Ooh, if you want my love...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE CAN'T GET CLOSE ENOUGH
I WANT YOUR KITE STRINGS TANGLED IN MY TREES ALL WRAPPED UP
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE CAN'T GET CLOSE ENOUGH
I'LL BE THE COMETS THAT ARE FALLIN' FROM THE SKY YOU LIGHT UP
You're my shirt, eye and arm
I'm the tick, you're the bomb
You're the L and the V
I'm the O and the E
...Am I speaking clearly?
If you want my love
Well, you've got to get close to me
Ooh, if you want my love...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE CAN'T GET CLOSE ENOUGH
I WANT YOUR KITE STRINGS TANGLED IN MY TREES ALL WRAPPED UP
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE CAN'T GET CLOSE ENOUGH
I'LL BE THE COMETS THAT ARE FALLIN' FROM THE SKY YOU LIGHT UP
I don't understand why we can't get close enough...
I miss the shivers in my spine every time that we touch...
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sleep?
Hmmm, my body is not liking the latter part of this second round of rotating shifts. And myself, I'm not liking it either.
As stated in the previous blog, the mids this time left me feeling quite spacy, airy, zombie-ish. I was... man, don't want to admit this... probably a threat to anyone on the road. I missed my exit going to work Thursday, almost pulled out in front of someone coming across the bridge after getting off of the exit on Friday evening (in my defense, it's a really hard place to see if people are coming), and blew straight through a 4-way stop Friday morning in Picayune (again in my defense, Picayune has the most random 4-way stops, and I usually don't take that road back to the apartment.). Needless to say, Saturday and Sunday I was overly pre-cautios when it came to driving.
I only got 3.5 hours of sleep Sunday morning so that I could meet Jessica in Meridian to help her pick out Christmas ornaments. The drive home was a not too bad; and once I met up with Jessica, my brain kicked back into normal mode. I was fine at that point and felt pretty good. In church, I began to feel a little groggy, but I made it to 10 o'clock that night before going to sleep.
I set the alarm for 10am but got up around 9:30am... solid 11 hours of sleep. The morning was bummed away with soaking in the bath, slowly getting ready for the day, and talking to Jane (Jan). We then went to DeKalb and Meridian.
I was getting sleepy around 9:30pm but started doing something and noticed it was nearly 12:30am before I stopped. "Well, this will help me out tomorrow night when I have to stay up in prep for Wednesday's mid shift," I thought. It was already thundering at that point, with the severe stuff not too far to the west of us. But I went to sleep... or attempted to sleep. After just lying there, I rolled over and noticed the living room light on. My mom was up; it was almost 2am. We both couldn't sleep and grabbed a bite to eat out of the kitchen. Just for kicks, we turned on the TV... Stephen Bowers was on, talking about a tornado warning for Kemper County. The sweet, little cell was moving right for us... but it weakened before it reached DeKalb, and the Mt. Nebo area was jipped of any severe stuff. So I went to bed... it's like 2:30am.
Woke up at.... 11am!! Oh my goodness!! I could not believe that I slept that long. And it hit me, my body is still very much in mid-shift mode, even after sleeping all through the previous night. Poo!
It is becoming irritating that I have no set sleep schedule. I have no set appetite as well. My body just floats through time and kind of goes with the flow, while my brain is like, "Hello, work with me please. Try to do things at the same time each day. It would make my life easier." It was an easy transition last time from night to day. I just hope it is the same this time. Boo to rotating shifts. Boo.
As stated in the previous blog, the mids this time left me feeling quite spacy, airy, zombie-ish. I was... man, don't want to admit this... probably a threat to anyone on the road. I missed my exit going to work Thursday, almost pulled out in front of someone coming across the bridge after getting off of the exit on Friday evening (in my defense, it's a really hard place to see if people are coming), and blew straight through a 4-way stop Friday morning in Picayune (again in my defense, Picayune has the most random 4-way stops, and I usually don't take that road back to the apartment.). Needless to say, Saturday and Sunday I was overly pre-cautios when it came to driving.
I only got 3.5 hours of sleep Sunday morning so that I could meet Jessica in Meridian to help her pick out Christmas ornaments. The drive home was a not too bad; and once I met up with Jessica, my brain kicked back into normal mode. I was fine at that point and felt pretty good. In church, I began to feel a little groggy, but I made it to 10 o'clock that night before going to sleep.
I set the alarm for 10am but got up around 9:30am... solid 11 hours of sleep. The morning was bummed away with soaking in the bath, slowly getting ready for the day, and talking to Jane (Jan). We then went to DeKalb and Meridian.
I was getting sleepy around 9:30pm but started doing something and noticed it was nearly 12:30am before I stopped. "Well, this will help me out tomorrow night when I have to stay up in prep for Wednesday's mid shift," I thought. It was already thundering at that point, with the severe stuff not too far to the west of us. But I went to sleep... or attempted to sleep. After just lying there, I rolled over and noticed the living room light on. My mom was up; it was almost 2am. We both couldn't sleep and grabbed a bite to eat out of the kitchen. Just for kicks, we turned on the TV... Stephen Bowers was on, talking about a tornado warning for Kemper County. The sweet, little cell was moving right for us... but it weakened before it reached DeKalb, and the Mt. Nebo area was jipped of any severe stuff. So I went to bed... it's like 2:30am.
Woke up at.... 11am!! Oh my goodness!! I could not believe that I slept that long. And it hit me, my body is still very much in mid-shift mode, even after sleeping all through the previous night. Poo!
It is becoming irritating that I have no set sleep schedule. I have no set appetite as well. My body just floats through time and kind of goes with the flow, while my brain is like, "Hello, work with me please. Try to do things at the same time each day. It would make my life easier." It was an easy transition last time from night to day. I just hope it is the same this time. Boo to rotating shifts. Boo.
Monday, November 29, 2010
True Colors
Oh, Mids... how you have shown your true colors this go-around.
So this week, I had four straight mids (or over night shifts, 6p-6a) to work. I actually was looking forward to them because everything becomes laid back. Lots of talking and music, a little watching-TV goes on during mids... in between getting work done, of course. But this time, I came into this series of mids tired. Not good.
From working four days the previous and doing a lot of running around at home, I messed up my Tuesday night schedule of staying up half of the night to prepare myself for the next few nights. I was so tired that I made 12:45am my bed time. But alas! I did make myself stay in bed until 12:30pm the next day... with the hope that would help.
The mids weren't bad. I was not struggling to stay awake. It was kind of the opposite... I was so wired that I could not shut my brain/body off when I got off of work (probably due to a steady stream of adrenaline and caffeine pumping through my body).
But it was not long before my biggest fear about working over nights became reality: one moody, ill Jaclyn Tisdale. yeah.... short, snappy, "don't talk to me," emotional (that's enough for anyone to stay 100yd clear of me), and just not pleasant. I don't think that missing Thanksgiving for the first time in my life helped the situation. And finding out that Fred was not coming to visit after planning out what I was going to cook for dinner/breakfast, writing up a grocery list, planning out 2-3 things we could do, telling the Haselmaiers that he might come and telling them we would come over if he did, etc, etc... that did not help my outlook on things even more. It just wasn't a pretty set up.
But coming home yesterday after 3.5 hours of sleep and really not wanting to make the 3 hour drive home or burn my gas or add miles to my car... it was completely worth it after the first hour of being in Meridian.
I told my family that I was coming home Friday night, and Jessica texted/called me the next morning to ask me to PLEASE help her pick out Christmas ornaments for her main tree. (OH YEAH, I thought. Christmas decorating is a favorite of mine.) So she drove us to Little Acre, where it took us almost an hour to make up our (mainly her) mind what to get. The colors... green and brown. The tree is going to look amazing! She was so gratefully that I helped... and the trip was worthwhile already.
I then came home to see Miss Jan after not seeing her for almost 2 months. Mama was home. Talked (ahem... snapped) at Daddy on the phone, but he knew the situation and just laughed and laughed at me. I will see him today, will bring Mama a juice drink at work (tis tradition now), run to Meridian with Jan, and possibly help Jessica decorate the tree.
So despite a crappy/crabby, OC Supertones "Jury Duty" kind of week, I think I'm on the "up and up."
So this week, I had four straight mids (or over night shifts, 6p-6a) to work. I actually was looking forward to them because everything becomes laid back. Lots of talking and music, a little watching-TV goes on during mids... in between getting work done, of course. But this time, I came into this series of mids tired. Not good.
From working four days the previous and doing a lot of running around at home, I messed up my Tuesday night schedule of staying up half of the night to prepare myself for the next few nights. I was so tired that I made 12:45am my bed time. But alas! I did make myself stay in bed until 12:30pm the next day... with the hope that would help.
The mids weren't bad. I was not struggling to stay awake. It was kind of the opposite... I was so wired that I could not shut my brain/body off when I got off of work (probably due to a steady stream of adrenaline and caffeine pumping through my body).
But it was not long before my biggest fear about working over nights became reality: one moody, ill Jaclyn Tisdale. yeah.... short, snappy, "don't talk to me," emotional (that's enough for anyone to stay 100yd clear of me), and just not pleasant. I don't think that missing Thanksgiving for the first time in my life helped the situation. And finding out that Fred was not coming to visit after planning out what I was going to cook for dinner/breakfast, writing up a grocery list, planning out 2-3 things we could do, telling the Haselmaiers that he might come and telling them we would come over if he did, etc, etc... that did not help my outlook on things even more. It just wasn't a pretty set up.
But coming home yesterday after 3.5 hours of sleep and really not wanting to make the 3 hour drive home or burn my gas or add miles to my car... it was completely worth it after the first hour of being in Meridian.
I told my family that I was coming home Friday night, and Jessica texted/called me the next morning to ask me to PLEASE help her pick out Christmas ornaments for her main tree. (OH YEAH, I thought. Christmas decorating is a favorite of mine.) So she drove us to Little Acre, where it took us almost an hour to make up our (mainly her) mind what to get. The colors... green and brown. The tree is going to look amazing! She was so gratefully that I helped... and the trip was worthwhile already.
I then came home to see Miss Jan after not seeing her for almost 2 months. Mama was home. Talked (ahem... snapped) at Daddy on the phone, but he knew the situation and just laughed and laughed at me. I will see him today, will bring Mama a juice drink at work (tis tradition now), run to Meridian with Jan, and possibly help Jessica decorate the tree.
So despite a crappy/crabby, OC Supertones "Jury Duty" kind of week, I think I'm on the "up and up."
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The Security of Real Hope
Humans... We suck. We really do.
We are unreliable. We're faulty. We're fallible. We're not dependable beings. We forget. We speak our mind. We hurt others. We disappoint. We ignore others. We're self-centered. We're liars. We love make people think that we are better than we really are. We're ashamed to show our true self. We tend not to show our loved ones love. We're so good at making excuses for everything. We... we suck.
And then, think about a human (see the above) hoping for things from another human (again, see the above). It is like a double dose of suckiness. But what can we do? We need each other. We need relationships. It is kind of the way God planned things out. So the only thing you can do is hope that these people try their hardest, make their best effort to provide you the same care, thought, love that you try to show them.
That hope = suckiness as well. It is a "well, maybe things will work accordingly. Maybe everything will flow smoothly for a while." That is faulty hope.
Praise the Lord for the hope He provided us!! He will NEVER:
* disappointment
* make you cry
* ignore you
* say what you want to hear
* put on a front to cover up things
* make excuses
Praise the Lord for the hope He provides us... He will ALWAYS:
* be there whenever/wherever you need Him
* available to talk
* dependable
* His real self
* keeps His word
* love you, no matter what
* give you His best, guide/direct you to make sure that you have the best life possible (... which actually exponentially far beyond our simple lives.)
* perfect, infallible
He gave everything up for you, for me, the humanity... His Son, His one and ONLY Son. That is a lot, a lot more that I could ever dream of giving up for someone. But what an example. But what love! But what... hope.
We are unreliable. We're faulty. We're fallible. We're not dependable beings. We forget. We speak our mind. We hurt others. We disappoint. We ignore others. We're self-centered. We're liars. We love make people think that we are better than we really are. We're ashamed to show our true self. We tend not to show our loved ones love. We're so good at making excuses for everything. We... we suck.
And then, think about a human (see the above) hoping for things from another human (again, see the above). It is like a double dose of suckiness. But what can we do? We need each other. We need relationships. It is kind of the way God planned things out. So the only thing you can do is hope that these people try their hardest, make their best effort to provide you the same care, thought, love that you try to show them.
That hope = suckiness as well. It is a "well, maybe things will work accordingly. Maybe everything will flow smoothly for a while." That is faulty hope.
Praise the Lord for the hope He provided us!! He will NEVER:
* disappointment
* make you cry
* ignore you
* say what you want to hear
* put on a front to cover up things
* make excuses
Praise the Lord for the hope He provides us... He will ALWAYS:
* be there whenever/wherever you need Him
* available to talk
* dependable
* His real self
* keeps His word
* love you, no matter what
* give you His best, guide/direct you to make sure that you have the best life possible (... which actually exponentially far beyond our simple lives.)
* perfect, infallible
He gave everything up for you, for me, the humanity... His Son, His one and ONLY Son. That is a lot, a lot more that I could ever dream of giving up for someone. But what an example. But what love! But what... hope.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Pah-ooped
Pooped. That tis what I am... been that way since 1pm today.
I do believe that I put a nitty-bit too much on my pre-Thanksgiving plate this time. On a whim, I decided to come home right after work Saturday night at 6:15pm to see as much family before Thanksgiving as I can.
I....:
got to the house around 9:30-10pm.
talked to my mom, went to bed.
druggg out of bed around 8:30, answered Hummy's phone call
T-1 hour to get ready for church aka bust my tail to shower/dress
no breakfast (... short temper, and I cut my hand shaving... OC Supertone lyrics fyi)
no food at Sunday school, church, went straight home, ate, straight to Daddy's
Daddy, Grandma, and I load up and leave for Holli's
Stay at Holli's for 3+ hour
Rush back to Grandma's
Rush back home
Watch movie with Mama and laugh and laugh
Talk to Fred :)
Bed at 11
________________________
Up at 8ish
Took sweet time getting ready
Look at the time, freakout, rush, got to get to DeKalb
Work at the Messenger from 11-now to help my mom out
Grad lunch, bring my dad a cookie, rush back to work
Look up stuff online, deposit, bring deposit to bank
________________________
I need to leave to go home and bring Hummy (grandpa) something
Need to be at the NE Sports Complex by 5:10 to run with Heather
Going straight after to pick up Jessica, dress shop-quick version, drop her off to Ryan's
Go home
Wash clothes
Go to bed
Get up
Pack up
Stop by Target in Hattiesburg
Picayune - Pay rent
Stay up all night
Sleep all morning
Work Wednesday night - Sunday morning
Sleep 3ish hours
Church
Fred?
Yeah... "Be still and know that I am God." is YELLING at me.
Something needs to give...
Poo.
I do believe that I put a nitty-bit too much on my pre-Thanksgiving plate this time. On a whim, I decided to come home right after work Saturday night at 6:15pm to see as much family before Thanksgiving as I can.
I....:
got to the house around 9:30-10pm.
talked to my mom, went to bed.
druggg out of bed around 8:30, answered Hummy's phone call
T-1 hour to get ready for church aka bust my tail to shower/dress
no breakfast (... short temper, and I cut my hand shaving... OC Supertone lyrics fyi)
no food at Sunday school, church, went straight home, ate, straight to Daddy's
Daddy, Grandma, and I load up and leave for Holli's
Stay at Holli's for 3+ hour
Rush back to Grandma's
Rush back home
Watch movie with Mama and laugh and laugh
Talk to Fred :)
Bed at 11
________________________
Up at 8ish
Took sweet time getting ready
Look at the time, freakout, rush, got to get to DeKalb
Work at the Messenger from 11-now to help my mom out
Grad lunch, bring my dad a cookie, rush back to work
Look up stuff online, deposit, bring deposit to bank
________________________
I need to leave to go home and bring Hummy (grandpa) something
Need to be at the NE Sports Complex by 5:10 to run with Heather
Going straight after to pick up Jessica, dress shop-quick version, drop her off to Ryan's
Go home
Wash clothes
Go to bed
Get up
Pack up
Stop by Target in Hattiesburg
Picayune - Pay rent
Stay up all night
Sleep all morning
Work Wednesday night - Sunday morning
Sleep 3ish hours
Church
Fred?
Yeah... "Be still and know that I am God." is YELLING at me.
Something needs to give...
Poo.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Title?
I have no title for this entry... just a few random blurbs to fill in void spaces.
New Job: Week 6.
I have one more day left on my second round of day shifts. It has been... tiresome. I went into these past two weeks of day shifts feeling not so confident. Nights meant that you did your work, made sure all of the data was coming in, made sure all systems were go, and you leave around 6am. Days... different story. There's all of the above, but all people, random conversations, phone calls, briefings, service visits, ... just a lot of juggling mentally. It got easier as the days went on, and I was made to do a practice briefing yesterday. (Measeled out of it today!) Matt, my trainer, has apparently not been sleeping at night, so he falls asleep when it's quiet and I'm doing all of the work. Seriously, I watch his body twitched and droop down to the desk/counter, and his fingers randomly click the mouse during this in/out phase of consciousness. He's been a little moody as well... not just with me but everyone.
The apartment:
I love having my own kitchen and bathroom... ah-mazing. Although I did not have hot water the first two mornings that I was there. [Side Note: I thought I was gutsy/strong enough to endure a cold shower. Ha! I felt the cool air flowing out from the falling artic-water and found a way to clean myself without submerging my body... quite interesting. I was SO grateful for hot water from then on after!
Had something that I got off of my chest this week: The result... I'm hopeful, excited from what I've seen so far. It was just a few simple changes that I noticed, but it had me randomly smiling quite a few times today.
The coporate/working-order world: I feel out of place, like a child. Skylla Engineering had their quarterly meeting yesterday, and I felt like an out of place baby there... maybe that's a little extreme. But some of the topics covered and Christmas parties and get-togthers and "Safetly" blah-blah classes that we all have to take... it makes me want to laugh. I would love to be back in college where all I had to do was follow the orders of a few professors and hang out with people my age. Oh well. Such is life, right?
Picayune: I'm really liking it! Well, at least the area I am living in. It's got the small town feel, but it's got this city-ish feeling too. I don't know if I can fully explain it. I can walk to church, walk to the coffee shop, walk to the post office. And Goodyear Blvd, the road I typically take to get to my place, is already lit up with Christmas/wintery lights. I like it.
That's all for now. Yep...
New Job: Week 6.
I have one more day left on my second round of day shifts. It has been... tiresome. I went into these past two weeks of day shifts feeling not so confident. Nights meant that you did your work, made sure all of the data was coming in, made sure all systems were go, and you leave around 6am. Days... different story. There's all of the above, but all people, random conversations, phone calls, briefings, service visits, ... just a lot of juggling mentally. It got easier as the days went on, and I was made to do a practice briefing yesterday. (Measeled out of it today!) Matt, my trainer, has apparently not been sleeping at night, so he falls asleep when it's quiet and I'm doing all of the work. Seriously, I watch his body twitched and droop down to the desk/counter, and his fingers randomly click the mouse during this in/out phase of consciousness. He's been a little moody as well... not just with me but everyone.
The apartment:
I love having my own kitchen and bathroom... ah-mazing. Although I did not have hot water the first two mornings that I was there. [Side Note: I thought I was gutsy/strong enough to endure a cold shower. Ha! I felt the cool air flowing out from the falling artic-water and found a way to clean myself without submerging my body... quite interesting. I was SO grateful for hot water from then on after!
Had something that I got off of my chest this week: The result... I'm hopeful, excited from what I've seen so far. It was just a few simple changes that I noticed, but it had me randomly smiling quite a few times today.
The coporate/working-order world: I feel out of place, like a child. Skylla Engineering had their quarterly meeting yesterday, and I felt like an out of place baby there... maybe that's a little extreme. But some of the topics covered and Christmas parties and get-togthers and "Safetly" blah-blah classes that we all have to take... it makes me want to laugh. I would love to be back in college where all I had to do was follow the orders of a few professors and hang out with people my age. Oh well. Such is life, right?
Picayune: I'm really liking it! Well, at least the area I am living in. It's got the small town feel, but it's got this city-ish feeling too. I don't know if I can fully explain it. I can walk to church, walk to the coffee shop, walk to the post office. And Goodyear Blvd, the road I typically take to get to my place, is already lit up with Christmas/wintery lights. I like it.
That's all for now. Yep...
Monday, November 15, 2010
Buster and Rommel
The Hasselmaiers have two huge labs, a blond Buster and a black Rommel. Each weigh 100+ pounds and can easily mow me down to the ground; but with the sound of "Go to bed!" they instantly make their way back to their cage and patiently wait on me (or whoever) to lock the gate. Great dogs. Absolutely rank dogs... but smart. Check out the following video, por favor:
"It's Been a While"
Sorry, you few people that actually pull up my blog and read it. I am lacking internet service at the moment... mainly because I want to bundle my TV and internet. Problem: I am not the owner of a TV yet, haha! But the day will come soon enough.
Plus, it forces me to go a coffee shop about 1/4 mile up the road from my place, PJ's Coffee. It's a sweet, little place. I am quite impressed. It is spacious but cozy. And hello, FREE internet!
Today, it has been rainy and dreary... perfect coffee shop conditions! I am in love. I wish I could take a few pictures of the place. Old furniture and jazzy music sounds surround me. Chitter-chatter of the people totally make the moment. There's actually a lady with the thickest, New Orleans/Southern accent talking to "dear friends." As I glance out of the window to my right, I see railroad tracks and a little "railroad park" amongst the cars that drive by. Picayune is growing on me... or at least downtown Picayune.
Enough rambling. Bear with me. Posts will come sporadically but hopefully more frequent than not.
Plus, it forces me to go a coffee shop about 1/4 mile up the road from my place, PJ's Coffee. It's a sweet, little place. I am quite impressed. It is spacious but cozy. And hello, FREE internet!
Today, it has been rainy and dreary... perfect coffee shop conditions! I am in love. I wish I could take a few pictures of the place. Old furniture and jazzy music sounds surround me. Chitter-chatter of the people totally make the moment. There's actually a lady with the thickest, New Orleans/Southern accent talking to "dear friends." As I glance out of the window to my right, I see railroad tracks and a little "railroad park" amongst the cars that drive by. Picayune is growing on me... or at least downtown Picayune.
Enough rambling. Bear with me. Posts will come sporadically but hopefully more frequent than not.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Excitement!
So my job consists of working alongside a guy named Matt, an employee with nearly 3 years of experience as a watch standard. I like Matt. He is a laid-back guy, down to earth, gets along with everyone, and quite the partier and the potty mouth. I tend to ignore his choice of words and listen to his (not very frequent) stories of partying. But after listening to him, his views, his thoughts... I know he's not a Christian.
After finding out that I got this job, I knew that God had a reason for placing me in that office. Family members, church members, and Fred were all praying for God's will to be done; so again, here is another reinforcement that God did not put me in the National Data Buoy Center to make a name for myself or earn a big fat paycheck or gain prestige. No stinken way (because if it weren't for Him and His strength and knowledge running through my blood/head, I would crumble into a ball of nerves and collapse)! I have been praying for God's guidance and for Him to show me what He wants me to do, to say, to be to these people.
Back to Matt....
I have been hoping and praying for an opportunity to arise so that the topic of God, Christ, Christianity could be mentioned.
SIDE NOTE: Thank the Lord for Fred! He was blunt enough to randomly ask me the other day, "Have you read your Bible today?" (Hello, conviction!!) After staring into his eyes to figure out if there was an ulterior motive, then grumbling to myself a little, I proceeded to go up stairs and 'take care of business.' I followed up the next morning at his dock and then yesterday before work. I even prayer journaled yesterday! So Fred's simple question kicked my tail in gear to make a point in my day to spend time with God.... and I honestly believe that it prepped my heart for what I'm about to say. Thank you, Fred... you handsome, smart, Godly guy, you.
I prayed last night on the way to work for God to open a door, even crack a door, between Matt and I. And He did.
Matt and I talk a lot anyway during the night (and eat candy...). We have talked about our families, our parents' divorces, family life now, music, college memories, childhood memories, problems, politics, the works. He knows that I don't drink, but last night he was talking about his 21st birthday. After telling the story, he was like, "I know that you don't drink a lot, but I hope you did something for your 21st." I finally fully confessed that I don't drink at all, that I've never tasted alcohol (I could feel 'goodie-miss-too-shoe' appearing on my forehead). "You've never tasted it. Wow! Can I ask if there's a reason, like you've had a past with it because I can totally understand. My mom was a drunk, and I said that I would never let myself get like that."
Hello, open door.
I stated my reasoning: I've heard it taste gross. I don't see the point in drinking and waking up feeling like crap. And... I think it hurts my witness of a Christian because people judge so harshly. It's such a touchy subject because the Bible doesn't state "thou shalt not drink," but it does say that getting drunk is foolish.
And the conversation just kept going from there. We discussed his track coach and how he was a pastor, Matt's family and Catholic church, rituals, prayer, difference between the north and south (he's from NY), how he wants to go back to how he was in high school aka less of a partier, how he does respect the fact that I don't drink, the crusades, a little church history, how he likes the 'be a better person' messages, about Nixon (my pastor in Mobile) and his approach to preaching, my brother-in-law being a pastor and my sister being a pastor's wife, Uncle Scott and his mission trips in Uganda. Just a bunch of stuff was mention, and he seemed to be the one to keep driving the conversation. And those moments of silence that made me want to cringe thinking, "Well crap. I just made it awkward." He was thinking, processing the information, and would eventually speak up with another thought related to the topic. It was interesting! It was a little nerve racking because I didn't want to come off as a prude or judging... or the typical "You're going to hell" Christian.
And I think building that relationship with him over the past 3-4 weeks, showing him that I like a lot of the same things as him, that I'm not this religiously fanatical bimbo has solidified that he is willing to listen to what I have to say, for him to question things and hopefully become intrigued with this thing called a relationship with Christ. Nothing life changing happened, but I pray that I seed was planted, not for my sake but for His.
So pray for Matt. Pray for God to tug at his heart, and pray that I don't screw things up. I'm excited. God answered a prayer, a little one but one nonetheless.
After finding out that I got this job, I knew that God had a reason for placing me in that office. Family members, church members, and Fred were all praying for God's will to be done; so again, here is another reinforcement that God did not put me in the National Data Buoy Center to make a name for myself or earn a big fat paycheck or gain prestige. No stinken way (because if it weren't for Him and His strength and knowledge running through my blood/head, I would crumble into a ball of nerves and collapse)! I have been praying for God's guidance and for Him to show me what He wants me to do, to say, to be to these people.
Back to Matt....
I have been hoping and praying for an opportunity to arise so that the topic of God, Christ, Christianity could be mentioned.
SIDE NOTE: Thank the Lord for Fred! He was blunt enough to randomly ask me the other day, "Have you read your Bible today?" (Hello, conviction!!) After staring into his eyes to figure out if there was an ulterior motive, then grumbling to myself a little, I proceeded to go up stairs and 'take care of business.' I followed up the next morning at his dock and then yesterday before work. I even prayer journaled yesterday! So Fred's simple question kicked my tail in gear to make a point in my day to spend time with God.... and I honestly believe that it prepped my heart for what I'm about to say. Thank you, Fred... you handsome, smart, Godly guy, you.
I prayed last night on the way to work for God to open a door, even crack a door, between Matt and I. And He did.
Matt and I talk a lot anyway during the night (and eat candy...). We have talked about our families, our parents' divorces, family life now, music, college memories, childhood memories, problems, politics, the works. He knows that I don't drink, but last night he was talking about his 21st birthday. After telling the story, he was like, "I know that you don't drink a lot, but I hope you did something for your 21st." I finally fully confessed that I don't drink at all, that I've never tasted alcohol (I could feel 'goodie-miss-too-shoe' appearing on my forehead). "You've never tasted it. Wow! Can I ask if there's a reason, like you've had a past with it because I can totally understand. My mom was a drunk, and I said that I would never let myself get like that."
Hello, open door.
I stated my reasoning: I've heard it taste gross. I don't see the point in drinking and waking up feeling like crap. And... I think it hurts my witness of a Christian because people judge so harshly. It's such a touchy subject because the Bible doesn't state "thou shalt not drink," but it does say that getting drunk is foolish.
And the conversation just kept going from there. We discussed his track coach and how he was a pastor, Matt's family and Catholic church, rituals, prayer, difference between the north and south (he's from NY), how he wants to go back to how he was in high school aka less of a partier, how he does respect the fact that I don't drink, the crusades, a little church history, how he likes the 'be a better person' messages, about Nixon (my pastor in Mobile) and his approach to preaching, my brother-in-law being a pastor and my sister being a pastor's wife, Uncle Scott and his mission trips in Uganda. Just a bunch of stuff was mention, and he seemed to be the one to keep driving the conversation. And those moments of silence that made me want to cringe thinking, "Well crap. I just made it awkward." He was thinking, processing the information, and would eventually speak up with another thought related to the topic. It was interesting! It was a little nerve racking because I didn't want to come off as a prude or judging... or the typical "You're going to hell" Christian.
And I think building that relationship with him over the past 3-4 weeks, showing him that I like a lot of the same things as him, that I'm not this religiously fanatical bimbo has solidified that he is willing to listen to what I have to say, for him to question things and hopefully become intrigued with this thing called a relationship with Christ. Nothing life changing happened, but I pray that I seed was planted, not for my sake but for His.
So pray for Matt. Pray for God to tug at his heart, and pray that I don't screw things up. I'm excited. God answered a prayer, a little one but one nonetheless.
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