Ahh!!!!!

"Breathe, Jaclyn. Deep breaths... slow and deep."

Wow! You know what? Thirteen more days until I go halfway across the world... the world! (deep breaths) Long flights, long bus rides, security stops (?), a completely different culture, new things galore, language barriers, custom barriers, becoming a minority, sticking out like a sore thumb with my white-white skin, possible dangers, threat of sickness of any sort. (deep breaths)

But putting my fears and outlooks aside, I ...meaningless little Jaclyn, nearly a midget with a soft, timid voice... am branching out to watch my God not only "survive" but thrive like the Royal King that He claims to be and is and will always be. Wow. I have so many mixed emotions at the moment. I want to cry out of fear. I want to cry out of amazement that God is actually making this come forth, that He has something super-big in the making from all of this. I want to jump for joy that I am able to be involved. I want to run and hide behind closed doors from the fears of all of the what-ifs and fear of the unknown. I am ready to run up to those people and hug them, but I'm afraid that I will not say the right things... that I will not know the right Scripture to quote. (Fear: the re-occurring theme) I am not looking forward to seeing how much these Ugandan people have to deal with on a daily basis... sickness, loss of life, scarce food but yet a more intense hunger for God's Word. I am not looking forward to the conviction of things in my life, but how amazing will it be (after the fact) to know that God is willing to point those things out and draw me closer to Him in the process. [Refer to "The Grooming Process." Tis going to suck initially.]

I feel bold for stepping out against everyone's "better judgment" and following my God... even if it means potentially getting hurt or (gulp... and deep breaths) giving my life for Him. I feel like a mad women for doing this. It logically doesn't make sense... using most of my vacation time, paying a ridiculous amount of money on a plane ticket and vaccinations, going into a unsettled area of the world when things continue to plummet toward mass chaos. But does God always make sense?? Hasn't He time and time again chosen the most unlikely to do the most unlikely things?? I mean, the story of Jericho still baffles me... marching around a well built wall around a city for days and days and blowing air into musical instruments, and God brought down the walls with just that? That's crazy! That logically makes no sense! But it's God. It's His world... He has full reign to do as He pleases with every single little atomic particle that He created. Dang! What a God I serve!! Oops: sidetracked!

I honestly have no clue what we are doing exactly while in country. I know about the conference, but that's about it. In a way, I feel left out. But in a better way, ignorance is bliss. The more I know, the more I will worry and fret and get up-tight and need to be reminded to "Breathe, Jaclyn. Deep breaths... slow and deep."

Pray! Pray! PRAY, people. "On your knees, boy!" (and girls) - Bono/U2 style. If you are reading this and not going, pray for: safety in all forms, our impact, our words and actions, their reactions, for opposition to be kept at bay, for sickness of any sort to be just a figment of our imagination, rest!, for good weather (although I am looking forward to experiencing another climate - a true equatorial climate. I so hope we get a thunderstorm one day!!), and most importantly that God in ALL of His glory will illuminate throughout the country, the continent, the world.

Ahhhhhhh!!!! And "Breathe, Jaclyn. Deep breaths... slow and deep."