A little resurrection every time I fall
You got your babies, I got my hearses
Every blessing comes with a set of curses
I got my vices, I got my vice verses"
-- Switchfoot --
Why the ups? Why the downs? Why has this past week been the equivalent of a mountain hike? It's like things have gone from the Shire to Mordor and back again (Hey, all of you LOTR fans). And the fact of the matter is that it's actually been a month of ups and downs.
I won't go into all of the details. It would take too long anyway. But man, do things change and change quickly.
We, Frederick and I, had made plans to go to the Steelers-Texans game more than a month ago. I had been looking forward to it for a while and could not believe how fast it came! I drove over to Mobile Thursday night, so that we could legitimately start the trip with breakfast... at Waffle House. That night after we got done running and showering, Fred and I were talking, and the conversation was very much a let-down. I figured that sleeping it off and going about the trip would make it less of an issue. It really did not, but I refused to ruin the trip for Fred and myself.
We explored Houston. First stop was the Natural Science Museum, mainly because there was a dinosaur exhibit (which we both agreed was slightly underwhelming). Of course, shopping for fish was in our agenda! We only stopped at 3-4 Petsmarts (a total of 3 stops to one of those!) and two other specialty fish stores. Fred stopped at Pottery Barn for me as well. We basically made Saturday a day of shopping and driving. We did eat lunch at a local BBQ place (across the street from the 3x-stop Petsmart), which we both thoroughly enjoyed. Later that night, I couldn't get past the prior day's let-down, and we had another discussion.
Not to mention, excitement about the game was growing! When we walked back into the hotel Saturday afternoon/night, there was black and yellow everywhere! It was crazy. There were "Steelers" stickers on a good number of cars in the parking lot, and the parking lot was full! It became more of a reality that I was actually going to a NFL game.
Sunday was game-day. Did I go to church? No. Do I feel a little guilty about it. Yep, pretty much. All I could hear was Ashley saying, "Those people in Uganda go to church in the cold and the rain and ____." It kind of stung. But we were out of the hotel shortly after 10:30am and walked to Reliant Stadium for the game.
What a high being surrounded by fans and the atmosphere of the stadium. We took our seats, and Fred was so quick to point out numbers on the field and names of the guys. Then the seats filled completely up by the time the game started. People yelling, chanting, the background music, the referee's voice, the colors (again, a swarm of bees it looked like with all of the black and yellow), and the smell of beer. Blah. We had hopes of Steelers victory, but that soon dwindled away after the beginning of the fourth quarter as points and plays began favoring the Texans. Needless to say, they won. Regardless of the outcome, it was still an amazingly fun experience.
We left Houston Monday morning. On the way back, Fred received a call with life-changing news... honestly just mere miles away from being back at his apartment. My heart momentarily went up for him and then plummited to the ground. We both agreed that this was not exactly the way that we wanted the weekend to end.
So I'm thinking why? Why the ups and downs? This down, which has good potential to become an up, will be in place for quite some time. But why? Why now? Why now when things were getting "better" and becoming easier, when things were going so well.
I am reminded of how those downs drive me to the Lord. It is shamefully easy to "love" God and kind of... well, pretty much ignore Him when things are good. I catch myself focusing on other things, things like people and things like planning events with people. It is when things are down, when things royally suck, when things are unbearably uncertain, and when circumstances make you want to let go and/or hide out in a safe little cocoon for an extended period of time... it is those times when I find myself closer than ever to God. Why? Because He's my only hope, the only Thing that doesn't change and that does fluctuate in tidal fashions. He is the only One that I can go to. Because He is the One that knows my future and that can give me the courage, perseverance, guidance, and strength to keep going or to let go. I crave Him and desire more than anything else to hear His voice, to know His will more than anything else. So why does it take being in the valley and/or sliding down the mountain with increasing speed to make me crave Jesus more than any desire of mine?
My vice verses: The battle between the ups and downs verses my desire to be close to my Lord and Savior.
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