Late Night Battle Cry

To some of you, you have read this before. To others, this is new. But to all, this is true... a true account of an unexpected battle in the dark of the night. Enjoy.

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Want to hear a funny but terrifying story? I should be asleep right now. Actually, I was in the bed well over three hours ago. I woke up with my hands frantically brushing something off of my face followed by me bolting out of bed without hesitation. On went the light, and my eyes scanned the bed and the surrounding areas. "Huh. Was I just dreaming?" No. No no no! Then I saw it! Oh my goodness, I saw it! A nappy, awful, why-did-God-create-these-things-??!! "R" word. [ A five letter word that ends in "oach" for a nasty insect that carries diseases and can cause allergies and crunches when you smack it and can fly if it's the right kind... and this one flew. ] Yes, a "R" word ran across my face while I was sleeping! It was on my face while I was sleeping. I don't want to know where it was before then while I was sleeping. Shivers actually just went down my spine. 

A 30+ minute hunt followed. I was tempted to give up when it went under my bed, but then it crawled up the wall... a flyer! The vacuum cleaner would be of no use, since it would fly as I put the hose up to the wall. "Borax! I have borax powder." To the kitchen I sprinted, and in my hands it went. The unspeakable wasn't visible when I got back to my observing station. But then it resurfaced... ran across the top of my bed to the back, down the bed, on the floor, making its way underneath the bed.

 

 I dowsed it with Round Numero Uno of Borax. It came back out, crippled but still moving faster than I like. All over my stuff it went until it started climbing the wall again.

 

"Roger that: Bombs away!" Round Numero Dos y Tres. Quickly approaching its deathbed, I grabbed the vacuum, but the slack wasn't there for me to move it to the back wall before it went under my closet door. UGH.

 

So I waited like a prowling lion huntress, vacuum in had and eyes peeled. It surfaced on the other side, now in perfect camo for the carpet, and ran back in the closet. I opened the other door, chased it into a shoe, and sucked it up. And just to make sure it is gone, I put the vacuum cleaner on the back porch just in case it has enough life in it to walk out. 

 

Although God created that creature, there will be no Easter Sunday for that guy. None. "Ain't no sunshine when it's gone..." Oh, I highly disagree! There was much joy and rejoicing and peace. Quite frankly, I'm surprised a massive choir didn't burst into a jubilant and melodious sound.

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I pray that this has not nor ever will happen to you. This is my best war story... and hopefully my last. Sigh. I guess I will try to find somewhere else to sleep in peace, because my bedroom is now completely contaminated. 

 

Over and out from the war zone. (Kerrrrrsh)